Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
