oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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