The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
