I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
