i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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