Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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