i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
