I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
