i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
drinking out of a sandbucket again
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
