if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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