i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
