i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Randomize
