They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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