we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
