Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Your tits are I can't wait for
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i was born a porn star she said
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
