Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
