Your dad touched me again.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
my sisters under your porch take her home
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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