A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
