In the future we'll all be gay
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
