So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
