the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
