is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
