my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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