Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize
