Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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