I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Holy sore nipples Batman
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
