dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
