mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
