New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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