I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
