Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
