my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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