just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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