Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
