I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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