Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
