She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
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