I just threw up on my dentist
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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