You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
