Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
