I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
