thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
