I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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