Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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