I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
