Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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