When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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