Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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