how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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