you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
