I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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