SEEEEXXX PLEASE
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
